Alpine Ups and…….Ups

Mention the Alps and some will imagine a winter playground filled with skiers and skaters, gluwein and apple strudel.   Others may think of cowbells and edelweiss, whilst some might recall scenes from the Eiger Sanction and deeds of daring do on ice walls.  
But for 4 members of Minehead Cycling Club the French Alps now mean something quite different.  On Monday 28th June, seduced by the promise of breathtaking views, warm sunshine and croissants, hardened international sportiver Steve Crossman, wide-eyed jonny-cum-lately Paul Butcher and new-to-cycling Jon Coppin took a deep breath, plunged into the tunnel under the channel and headed for Bourg d’Oisans and La Marmotte.  Of our 4th member, Hugh Morgan, read on.
La Marmotte, a small furry mountain creature with a squeaky voice, also masquerades as a circular

one-day bike ride (Saturday 3rd July) with a finish atop the infamous 13.8 km climb to Alpe d’Huez.  More accurately, it offers a mega-endurance test including the Tour de France cols of the Glandon, Telegraph, Galibier and finally Alpe d’Huez with its mountain-top finish, in all a total ascent of 5000 metres and 110 miles.  It also forms part of a week- long cycling festival in a cycling-mad region of a cycling-mad country at the height of summer!  By entering the Grand Trophee riders are able to ride La Marmotte and another major endurance sportive, plus 2 shorter rides including the legendary ascent of Alpe d’Huez, all in the space of 8 days.
The car-journey south was full of anticipation and animated chatter about the deeds of current cycling superstars Armstrong and Contador, Wiggins and Cavendish, as well as the legends of yesteryear -  Coppi, Merckx and Hinault, Gurnett and Almond, Indurain, the Needhams and Pantani.

 (As time allowed, we also analysed the latest developments in modern farming, the intricacies of international corporate law and their combined impact on the world’s homeless.  We expect to present a paper to the Kildare-Wellington Joint Scrutiny Board in the coming weeks with a remedy for global poverty!)
Our arrival at Bourg d’Oisans was notable for the stunned silence which descended upon the car as we first glimpsed the ‘Alpe’ and then slowly drove around each of its 21 hairpins, pausing just long enough to capture the jaw-dropping evidence on film. Each of the bends is named after one of the past winners of the mountain-top finish at Alpe d’Huez in previous Tours, and like all the climbs in the Alps the road is covered with names of past ‘greats’ together with messages of goodwill for current Marmotteers.
After the eye-watering leg-stretcher of a 40k climb to the village of Vaujany via Alpe d’Huez on

the Wednesday (which the 3 of us completed without serious mishap in less than 2 days…….only joking), the next couple of days passed in a state of controlled panic.  The accommodation was fabulous, the views spectacular, our young Polish chalet hosts could not have done more for us in terms of food and hospitality, and the company was excellent.  As Jon said, it would have been perfect without the looming prospect of ‘the bloody Marmotte’.  We were joined by a dozen or so fellow cyclists, all Brits with one exception, an Aussie from Melbourne who had left home a couple of days earlier to sample the joys of La Marmotte.   
In case you’re wondering about the 4th member of MCC, Hugh Morgan arrived later in the week muttering about work pressures impacting on his planned acclimatisation period.  Was this to prove significant?

After much hand-wringing about what to wear on the day (colour coordinates were discarded in favour of copies of L’Equipe, tucked down our jerseys to stop us from freezing on the 8 mile descent to the start) we arrived safely for our various start times (7–8am) along with the other 6,996 entrants.  Needless to say the rest of the day went entirely smoothly without any hitches.  Well, maybe just a few.
Setting off to the tune of a brass band and crowds of well-wishers, our intrepid foursome were no doubt rehearsing their meticulously planned strategies …….get an early night (bit late for that now!)……..reduce daily alcohol to 3 pints……”it’s not a race” (Len Gurnett)…….get on the wheel of the biggest bloke you can find……..”eat everything you’ve got” before you get on the ‘Alpe’(Tony Needham) ………save something for the ‘Alpe’ (a sacrificial offering?)…….hydrate, hydrate,

hydrate…….remember electrolytes (or was that electrolysis? Science never was my strong point)
As far as the eye can see the road is full of cyclists…….the first 15 miles flash by at almost 30mph……where’s that big bloke’s back wheel now….….and the strategy is already in tatters.  Then we’re on to the Glandon and little by little a fantasy world develops…….find a steady rhythm…..ride your own pace…….ignore everyone else…….watch that guy wobbling just in front.  (Who said the Toll Road was typical of these Alpine climbs? I’ll never listen to Tony Needham again)  It’s only 9 and its already steaming hot.  Out of the trees now and can just see the top, it’s miles away…..way up, up, up…….still the entire route is thick with cyclists…….any traffic is at a standstill as bikes rule the day.  
Watch the heart rate, nice and steady, relax the shoulders, remember to pedal………hey, is that

Steve sat on the verge up there with a wheel in his hands?!
Feed at the col and then easy does it down a tricky descent for more than half an hour.  Concentrate!  A couple of guys went over the edge here last year……too much information.  Flat bit now through the Maurienne valley…..take it easy cos the Telegraph’s next…..bit of traffic now but that’s ok, I’m in a group that’s moving nicely and ……oops, we’re going up again.  Its even hotter now so drinking buckets, energy gels, bananas, anything that’s to hand…..hey, this is really tough, no let up at all, just the same hard grind for the next hour or so…..  no views much either….. just trees……a few guys struggling with cramp…….now there’s a nice drop to Valoise, a bit easier on the nerves…..smooth roads and fast sweeping curves.  Another feed at Valoise and there’s Jon , looks in good shape and

grinning hugely.  So, have I caught him or has he…….it hurts to think so I grab some food and begin to climb the monster Galibier.  Will be going up for the next 2 hours or more so best find something pleasant to think about……
After an hour or so and 8kms from the top a sign ……no, not divine intervention sadly……..‘It gets serious from here’ – at least that’s the best my schoolboy French can manage in this semi-delirious condition.  
Guys all around are now wobbling to a standstill at regular intervals, muttering oaths in various languages but which amount to the same thing.  Painful cramp is taking its toll, or maybe altitude sickness  The chance of a top 5000 finish are looking up……
Wow, look how high we’ve climbed……...take it really easy for the last couple of kms to the top ……up through the banks of snow and the

meltwater gushing down the road …….Ollie, one of the guys from the chalet, comes by and even manages to say something though I can’t decipher it…….and then there’s the summit at 2650 metres..
Take a breather, put on the gilet and arm-warmers (no L’Equipe this time), enjoy the proffered French bread and brie and marvel at the spectacular views.  Downhill all the way now back to Bourg d’Oisans and then just pop up the ‘Alpe’ to collect the medal.  After all, we did it a couple of days ago, no bother.
This is why we ride bikes, the descent appears endless, no idea where the road goes so just follow the guy ahead and stay upright.  This is no time to get a puncture, round hairpin after hairpin and down, down, down to the Col de Lauteret.  Must have 80 miles under the belt now and still we roar downwards on a smooth surface, just the tunnels (was it 4 or 5?!) to survive now.  Scramble to take the sunnies off or you’ll see nothing in those…….just hold your line, stay off the brakes and follow the faint outline of the guy ahead.  Scary!
Hey, we’re climbing again, only 4% but it feels really hard, they said it was all downhill.  Flat now but need to stay with this little group back to Bourg or it’ll be even harder.  Get caught on the front for a turn so sit up for a drink when the next guy refuses to come through.  That’s continentals for you, wouldn’t happen in Minehead!  A giant Dutch guy comes by so jump on his wheel and we’re back in Bourg in no time.  Feeling ok(ish)…..I think!
Can’t believe just the ‘Alpe’ to go.   It’s mid afternoon now, really hot and airless in the valley.  Eat whatever I can stomach, grab another banana (number 5 or is it 6?).  Don’t fancy salami at best of times, definitely not now.  A real festival atmosphere here, feels like a good place to stay but daren’t stop any longer…… start ticking off those 21

hairpins…….only took just over an hour on Wednesday ……soon be up……
Did I miss the first bend?  No, I just haven’t reached it yet………don’t die now…….not this close to the finish………check the speedo…….3.9mph!!......... at this rate we’ll be here for hours, come on……..stop at the first bend and eat the last gel, get back on and leave a couple of guys with their heads in their hands……..still crawling up but pass another guy struggling to massage movement back into his legs…….  others just lying (asleep or dead?)  by their bikes….. anyway makes me feel better and the speed creeps up to 4.6mph, that’s better…..grateful now for anything which gets me to the top before dark……riot police here using water-cannon to knock Dutch and Belgian cyclists off their bikes…….hallucinating now …..it’s actually the National Guard  refreshing riders with a glorious cooling water spray…….see, the French take their elf and safety seriously………6 bends to go so just another 30 minutes…..guys on both sides of the road now, some riding, others walking, finding the shade…..keep going, another few minutes, a final push up through the village and a blurry Arrivee comes unsteadily into focus……
Jon arrives at the finish in fine style, having fought a running(?) battle with cramp since the climb of the Galibier.  ‘This is amazing, I had no idea, I want some more of this’ summed up his Marmotte experience.  In fact, he loved it so much not only is he hoping to return next year, word is he’s looking to move to the area!
We await further news of Hugh who was last seen at the foot of the ‘Alpe’ taking ‘medication’ and drawing inspiration from live TV coverage of the Tour prologue.
A severely buckled rear wheel on the Glandon sadly ended Steve’s hopes of adding the Marmotte to previous European sportive conquests.  Happily he had a spare set of wheels

so was able to gain some consolation from riding the infamous Grimpee de L’Alpe d’Huez (that’s a hill climb to you and me) the following morning – MCC’s sole representative!  The whereabouts of Messrs Coppin, Morgan and Butcher remain a mystery.  Officials suspect they were avoiding ‘testing’ for fear of damaging their budding professional careers.
A huge thanks to Steve for taking his car and for organising travel on Eurotunnel, for remaining philosophical about his ‘mechanical’ and for his experience and advice about all things bikewise.  Similarly, to Jon for bouncing back after his painful crash just 4 weeks before the event.  And finally to Hugh who first sowed the Marmotte seed a couple of years ago after his experiences in the high Alps..  
And speaking of Hugh, we’ve just learnt that a somewhat tender nether region put paid to his hopes of taming the Marmotte.  Wisely, as it turns out, he decided enough was enough when he realised his shorts had worn away and exposed his bare cheeky bits to the saddle…..the consequence being an inability to sit on a saddle, or anything else for that matter, ever since.  Seriously, Hugh, hope you are soon able to get patched up and back in the saddle again before long.
A cycling experience of a lifetime.  Only remains to say ‘Just do it!’

If you need inspiration from photos and other stuff check out www.steephill.tv/2006/alpe-d-huez among others.  To enter the 2011 La Marmotte, or for further information, go to www.sportcommunication.com.

Paul Butcher’s La Marmotte - July 2010